Fixup Merge

content/posts/choosingastory.md

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+---
+title: "Choosing a Story"
+date: 2025-04-30T21:48:38-05:00
+tags:
+  - writing
+image:
+comments: true
+---
+This is a double header today...
+
+# The Story
+I held onto my many stories, closely, there was no one that could come close to them. The hidden depths of those books goes deep into the nerves of my heart. Those stories had been rewritten thrice over, and had more thought put into them more than the many decisions I made throughout my life. I found myself weeping in the mist of the candlelight, as the words seemingly changed and shifted under the gloomy light.  
+The book pulled out of the oak drawer was blank. The book had the same brownish tint as the rest, with the same wrinkles. I had looked upon this book again, after so many years. The books all looked so similar, even having the same title. However, there was at least one thing that separated them. I found myself darting my eyes back to the blank wrinkly book, and starting with a list. I wrote five ideas. I moved my eyes back to the other books, and erased two of the ideas.
+
+There was a shift on the table, the books bouncing on top of the tabletop, the light shattered. Each individual book opened, there were at-least twenty on the ground by this point. I found myself looking at each one, and passionately flipping through each one. The hours continued to pass by, and I had only read half of them. There was one that lurked in the back, of which I had not seen before. This one looked ancient, it looked to be written in my teenage years. I read through it content on finishing it. As the dark summer light of the candle shimmered in the dark, I continued to read through the book. There was no title to this book. It had captured my full attention for hours, as I read through the ruins of this book, I found brightness radiating out of it.
+
+I moved myself away from my chair, and fought to a slumber. I awoke next day, and found myself back to that same book. I started work on the idea I had selected overnight, and it had become a deeply woven art piece.  It sat in limbo for many days, I had changed the piece  night after night. 
+I sat there for hours, going over that story. I meretriciously examined each word. There was a deep pit that started to fill my stomach. This hole too empty to fill with stories, lingered there for even longer than I continued to write. The hole shifted and moved, even closing itself. The whole always returned, though. It never ended as I rode to an untimely slumber. 
+
+There was an idea that probed at my mind thrice over, it had to be done. The light reflected off the window, and I had started writing for the thousandth time. There was no way to stop it now.  It had to be perfect , but the story got thrown away once again. There was one last idea on the board, and I started on it, writing tirelessly overnight. The light reflected my glasses, as I neared the middle,  the reclusiveness of my room nagged my stomach,  after finishing the last word, I let my head sink onto the book.
+
+
+
+So erm, yeah that's it for today folks, hope you enjoyed this today

content/posts/thebeautyofahm.md

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+---
+title: 'The Beauty of a "Hm"'
+date: 2025-08-12T17:48:28-05:00
+tags:
+  - writing
+image:
+comments: true
+---
+# The Introduction
+
+I know this one is going to be funny for those who know, but a serious discussion must be raised about the “hm”, or the ‘.’. It represents the social discomfort that I have, to be honest. It is in some way, part of me now. I naturally say it when I type in chats. I use it as a substitute for further commentary. A way to not have to expound on thoughts; in some way it tries to dumb down my thoughts, but in others it provides just the right amount of context I want. It is a necessary but stupid part of my vocabulary, just like other cultural things I have picked up on in the internet. 
+
+
+# Why a dot Matters
+
+Why does a “Hm” matter? You might ask, well that question is easily answerable, it is an acknowledgment that you have read the content and are thinking about it. Contrasting that, a ‘.’ means you have no idea what to say and are astounded. Now why might I talk like this? Mostly for convenience, it’s easier to just acknowledge something than to provide stellar review of it. This is a natural lazy instinct, and as a lazy person myself, I have to love it. It doesn’t mean that I do not respect what you are saying, it means that there is something further going on that I feel either uncomfortable saying or that I want to leave the air open about that specific topic. The higher media of writing might not be my first forte, per se, but it is important one to me. I, of course, occasionally express myself in writing, as does anyone else on this planet that uses the internet; however, I always have felt uncomfortable in showing truly what writing means to me. 
+
+# The next steps
+This is the start of a 6-day-long challenge where I write a blog post every day. "Why 6 days?" You might ask, well that is because I start university for my degree in IT in that time. I want to get some writing out there, and I think that the [drought](https://fbievan.live/posts/choosingastory/), has been long enough. It’s time to put some mildly interesting things out there. Maybe instead of a “Hm” or “That was interesting”, I challenge y’all to put out a thought-out response instead of the slop that I put out.
+
+Welcome to the start,   
+
+Sincerely,
+
+Evan
+

content/posts/thecycleofpainpt1.md

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+---
+title: "The Cycle Of Pain: Part I"
+date: 2025-04-30T20:31:53-05:00
+tags:
+  - writing
+image:
+comments: true
+---
+I figured it was the right time to release part I... with how crazy my life has been within the past 6 monthes... this is dated around 6 monthes ago just before everything happened...
+
+# The Actual Cycle:
+The first step was mellow. The second step was withering. The third was the end. He followed along the dithering path. There was darkness simmering in from the trees. Darkness had consumed the surrounding area.  They found light and walked towards it. They had not seen this light before, however the feeling was the same. It was a confusing feeling. They were not sure about it. However, the darkness approached further, and either they became part of the darkness, or they had to jump into the small glimmer of light that was there. They were not sure about the light. He saw the darkness in the light, the same darkness which led them into this desperate situation. The same darkness which permeated throughout their entire life. 
+Follow the path, find something new
+
+Despite this, they followed through the muddy paths. They ran infact, looking for safety. They found that almost immediately, however that darkness crept through and permeated out of them. Furthermore, they immediately saw the effects of that, and they had poisoned the waters. Even further, they had been poisoned themselves. In fact, they had both grown, though they had only become more vitriolic. This poison only spread, and before it had consumed them whole, they found a way out. They climbed outside the hole, and had found themselves once again.
+
+
+
+
+Part II, someday...